Marriage

As any young girl would, Liliu, or Lydia (her English name) enjoyed a social round of parties, dances and visits to other islands with the other “Royals”, among them, Prince Lot and Prince Lunalilo. When she came of age her sister Bernice began looking for a good husband for Lydia. One of those suggested was John Dominis, the son of a sea captain. John was private secretary to King Kamehameha III. Although at first she wasn’t very interested, he did appeal to her romantic young mind with an act of chivalry. As the story goes, Lydia was out riding horses with a large group of about two hundred, which included the Princes and General Dominis. In her Story, she recalled that when an unruly horse broke between them, General Dominis was thrown from his horse, breaking his leg. Despite his injury, he got back on his horse, escorted her home, and then helped her down from her horse. The fact that he suffered from rheumatism in that leg afterwards, was something for which his mother never forgave Lydia.[1] 

 

Lydia Paki (the future Lili’uokalani) and John Owen Dominis were married shortly after her twenty-fourth birthday, on September 16^th, 1862. Happily, they embarked on a merry wedding trip around the islands, which was organized by Prince Lot. They were received everywhere as alii, and Lili’uokalani basked in the comfortable culture of her birth.  After their return they moved into his mother, Mary Dominis’ home, Washington Square. It doesn't sound like they had a very happy or satisfying marriage. For one thing, John Dominis was exceedingly devoted to his mother, who totally disapproved of his marriage to a “kanaka,” or native. In Hawaii’s Story by Hawaii’s Queen, Lili’uokalani makes a short, but telling statement. She says that his mother “ clung with tenacity to the affection and constant attention of her son, and no man could be more devoted than General Dominis was to his mother.”[2]

H.G. Allen relates a couple of incidents that illustrate how difficult married life may have been for this young Hawaiian woman, in a haole (foreign) household. As a member of the alii, she would have been used to being treated deferentially by retainers who served her loyally and lovingly. I can imagine that her mother-in-law must have looked at her as a spoiled child, who expected everything to be done for her. Allen relates that she went one day, early in her marriage, to gather roses for the house, from Mary Dominis’ rose garden. Hawaiians love flowers and so it was natural to Liliu that she should bring them inside to beautify the house. However Mary Dominis was furious that she had cut the best buds. She told Liliu that only full blown roses should be cut, in order to encourage more blooms.[3] At another time Liliu was unpacking presents for the Dominis family, sent by the King, when a family with children came to call.  When Liliu lifted a beautiful Japanese doll from its box, the youngest little girl became wide-eyed with wonder. Seeing that the four year old was entranced, Liliu pressed the doll upon her, saying that she should keep it. After the family left, Mary Dominis flew into a rage, and said that was totally unacceptable behavior – presents were only to be given on special, set occasions, not just on impulse.[4]Sadly, whenever the Hawaiian customs of Liliu clashed with those of her mother-in-law, John tended to side with his mother, rather than his wife. Liliu was never able to bear children, although she later adopted hanai children, against the wishes of the Dominis.

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[1] Helena G. Allen, The Betrayal of Liliuokalani, Last Queen of Hawaii 1838-1917 (Arthur H. Clark Company: Glendale, 1982) 90.

[2] Lili’uokalani, Queen of Hawaii (1838-1917), Hawaii’s Story By Hawaii’s Queen (Lee and Shepard: Boston, 1898) .

[3] Allen, 105-106.

 [4] Allen, 116.